It does not inspire virtue, does not teach delayed gratification, does not inspire selflessness or endurance. It has severely damaged families and society. Maybe we should not hand someone a metaphorical gun when they say they are feeling hopeless. Suffering is never easy, of course, but our society often goes to dangerous extremes to avoid suffering. When presented with an “out” such as taking one’s life or ending one’s marriage, many people will take it if convinced it will alleviate short-term pain and feelings of being trapped. And then there are the effects on health, the rise of depression, and the increased risk of suicide.ĭivorce is short-sighted, because, like suicide, we only see the pain and hardships we are in at a certain moment. women 63 and older who go through a gray divorce have a poverty rate of 27%, more than any other group at that age, including widows, and nine times the rate of couples who stay married (3%). In these so-called “gray divorces,” wealth drops by around 50%, and the standard of living for women plunges 45%. One of those considerations is financial, which should not be underestimated. There are pragmatic considerations in getting married, and pragmatic considerations in getting divorced. But marriage is not a wholly spiritual affair. There are the spiritual elements of divorce-especially when one chooses to remarry and enter into an adulterous relationship. There may be circumstances in which staying together may not be possible, but in many situations divorce, like contraception and abortion, is the tempting “out” based on convenience, not threats to life or well-being. That’s what vows are for-otherwise they are meaningless. What’s normal is making vows, staying true to them until death, and working through the challenges that life throws at you together. It’s “supposed” to be okay it’s supposed to be normal.īut it’s not. The pain and adverse effects are very real, but often pushed down and suppressed. Adult children are as much, if not more, blindsided and affected by this betrayal. One might think it admirable that divorcing after the kids a grown is a merciful act of love for children, but as Leila Miller details in her previous book Primal Loss: The Now-Adult Children of Divorce Speak, it’s anything but. These are people who should be entering the “golden years” of their lives and growing old together, but instead are abandoning their vows, and inducing a surge in the rate of so-called “gray divorce.” The stark fact is that the rate of divorce has more than doubled for people over 50 since 1990. divorce rate has dropped eighteen percent from 2008 to 2016, but one reason is because Millennials are cohabitating rather than tying the knot. Which is exactly what many people, including many Christians, are doing today. His disciples were taken aback, and replied, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry” (Mt 19:10). But it was not this way from the beginning” (Mt 19:8). Jesus tells the Jews, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society. This is why the Catechism is so blunt in stating:ĭivorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. But you can’t tear asunder what God has joined together (cf Mt 19:6) without harming and destroying relationships and lives. It may not seem like it in an apparently “amicable” parting of ways. “So be careful about your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” (Mal 2:16)ĭivorce is emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually violent.

“For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with violence,” says the Lord of armies. Most people who decide to end their marriages have their minds made up and won’t reconsider.Īs Christians, we should love what the Lord loves, and hate what He hates. I had given him a copy of my friend Leila Miller’s Impossible Marriages Redeemed, about people who have been through similar circumstances, but with the help of grace stood on their vows.Īs I expected, it didn’t make a difference in the end. He was blindsighted and gutted at first, but is now accepting, trying to get his finances in order, and find a place to live. The divorce proceedings are typical as well: mediation, division of assets, custody arrangement, and so forth. It’s a typical story: his wife was not “happy” and sought happiness in the arms of someone else, probably as a sabotage “out”. He is not a Christian, nor is his wife, but he is a good friend. I met recently with a friend who is going through a divorce the other day for a few beers at the riverfront.

Arbitrary coherence